Please don't respect me

I'm no hero. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve people respect. I did nothing for them. People respect me because they think I did so many things for them and for the college, but I didn't. I did all those for myself. 

If I got locked up in a solitary cell and be asked to stay there or leave it only in the condition of killing a person, I would choose to kill a person and got myself free. I'm no good person. I'm afraid of being alone and I do everything to prevent it. Even killing people. Maybe I'm thinking extreme. Maybe I'm too afraid right now. Maybe I'm not good enough to decide at the moment. But I won't be alright when that situation actually happens. 

I'm no hero. Please don't respect me. I beg you. I don't deserve it. I'm not even close to what you think. I'm a selfish lazy person with so little patience and a lot of hunger for social relationships. I'm not a stone. I do feel things. I do have opinions about people, about foods taste, about smells, about joy. But I gave it all up only to attract attention in pursuit of finding friends. How stupid. Other people are living normally, presenting their feelings as they really are, and I'm concealing mine searching the very thing they are achieving with their normal approach. I always wanted to find my own way in things. I always rejected people normal solutions and searched for my own way. This approach to problem-solving made me look creative in some matters, but in general, I'm a fool who reject the right easy way and search for the difficult untested solutions. 

I'm a damned fool who lives only for himself. Please don't respect me.